Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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