Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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