We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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