oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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