She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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