We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
