dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
