I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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