that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
