ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
