Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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