Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize