How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im holly from the hills drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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