sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
