And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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