We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize