Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
