i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize