I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
