and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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