Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will be naked everywhere
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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