I cockslap morals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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