Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
