Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
