I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
