You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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