Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
