she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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