You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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