So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
