He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
