How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
