I smell stomach acid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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