I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
