it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize