She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
