It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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