I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
