im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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