your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
