guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
