im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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