you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
