Can Purell be used as lube?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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