I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
