Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
