Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize