my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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