I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
