Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
