I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
