I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
