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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
