I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
