What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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