just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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