I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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