Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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