As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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