i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize