Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
