The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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