Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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