so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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