no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
