"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
