I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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