remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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