do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize