Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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