my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
