First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
