Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
