I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
