I will die if light touches me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
