I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
