never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
