my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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