why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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