in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
