oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
