That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The beer is more important than you right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drake has all the answers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
