in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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