Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
