Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
