You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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