i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
