Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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